Has the pandemic set back my path to vulnerability?

On yet another Zoom call, I was stressed out from work, my recent move, acclimating to a new environment, the ongoing pandemic and my kids going back to school without the protection of the vaccine. For a minute, I propped up my elbows on my desk and put my head in my hands. 

At the moment, I didn’t realize I was doing it. But it exposed my heaviness and overwhelming feeling to my team. It was enough for one of my team members to tell me that my body language made her feel uncomfortable and increased her own anxiety.  

It made clear to me that, even after all the work we’ve done as female leaders, we’re still not able to (really) let our guards down and show that we’re having a bad day. It’s easier to talk about vulnerability when it’s over and you can share learnings. But sharing the raw emotions can feel like you’re bringing the team down with you. 

With the pandemic and other recent stressors, many women in the workplace feel like they suddenly have to be superwoman all over again. The pressure is exhausting and draining. Everything is hard for everyone, from my teammates, to my family and friends. But showing vulnerability can feel hard, or even selfish. I still fear that any crack in the veneer of perfection would make me look less capable as a boss.